Sounds kind of rude and demanding to EXPECT big shower gifts :hunf: Sorry Any chance you can go in with a couple people to make the gift more affordable and still meet up with her expectations ?
As for the wedding it all depends - if it is a close person and I truly can't make the wedding I send a card anyways with a small gift , other wise if you are not attending the wedding you are not obligated to send a gift - in fact a gift should not even be expected for the wedding. many at my sons wedding gave nothing but the kids were thrilled that the people showed up , felt that was the gift - the gift of their presence ( Not present) at their special affair