Originally Posted by quiltingsavta
If you really feel obligated to do something. Send a donation in her name to your favorite charity (or hers). This way, you can send what you want and feel comfortable with, $5 or $50, doesn't matter because the amount is never shared with the person who you name to be sent an acknowledgment. Then graciously decline to attend either function.
I like that idea...some employers match charitable donations as well, which is great & then a little tax bonus for you! ;) All joking aside, my colleague invited our team to her bridal shower & instead of attending or gifting, we took her to lunch at a cafe. We didn't see the point, as they had been living together for a few years anyways.