Once my DH couldn't find his linemans pliers. So, of course, he accused me of taking them. I don't even know what they are and what I would do with them! I had to help him look for them in the basement, garage, shed, etc. I finally found them for him...in his back pocket!!!! He accused me of putting them there!!!!!!!
I also ditto the talking with food in his mouth, unable to find anything, repeating things to me til I want to scream.
Another time he asked for the zillionth time where his socks were. They have been in the same dresser drawer for over 40 years. I said the grey, white, blue and brown were in the drawer but the red and green were hanging on the gutter for Christmas decorations. He looked as me like I was bookers, but I thought it was funny.
When I was gone for 3 months he survived on his 4 food groups: beef sticks, candy bars, ice cream and beer. Oh, yes he can cook, we have friends and restaurants nearby, but he said he was just fine. Gotta love 'em :)