Well.....my heart aches for you & your family. Badly. I know this pain as my DS & DDIL were foster parents hoping to adopt. At 19 mos. they were so afraid that the child would be placed back with his birth mom. After an atty and many sleepless days & nights (4 mos) they did get to keep & adopt the baby. During that 4 mos it was a total hell. They just kept telling my DH & I that if it did not work out, at least they gave him the best they could as a foundation to grow on. So please try to look at it that way & maybe it will somehow lessen the pain in some way. I will keep you & your family & the children in my prayers.