Well I’ll tell you right now that I didn’t find a what I was looking for. Instead I found out something new about the Goodwill. Between dropping off my weekly merchandise and my appointment to alter some curtains I had just enough time to browse the local goodwill. One never knows what they might find. Shirts that scream “cut me up” , Sheets auditioning for there best roll in life, a quilt backing. A grand sewing machine that some man found to be useless junk because it doesn’t have boobs or surround sound.
So I bypass the women’s clothing (I should’ve stopped, I’ve only purchased 2 outfits in the last year, Im due for something different, but not today I’m a woman on a mission) and head straight for the back of the store. Spying a sewing machine tucked behind a old printer. While digging her out I can hear a man behind me looking at some items on a cart. “Humf” he grunts. I look back passing a smile while making sure I’m not blocking him from finding his “hidden treasure”. You know there’s rules to the junk digging world you should abide by, the unwritten rules. Well what happened next I’m pretty sure has never happened to the American Pickers that I watched last night. My treasure turned out to be junk so I scan the rest of the auditioners, none of them meet up to the tough standards of possibilities. So I’m off to the Linens area, except for grandpa blocking my way. He’s breaking the most important rule! “These pictures with grapes on them are $7.99.” he says. In my best I’m sorry, please move voice, I say “ Seems a bit much for Goodwill”. Oh geesh what have I done I just went and opened the door to the mindless chitchat of an old man. I say old be he looks to be around 65ish. I’m 42. Now he has his foot in the door and will not move, so I’m taking a detour down the next isle. But no he quickly sees my plan and blocks my cart. “I collect plates, they call me the “Plateman” here. Do you come here often? What are you looking for?” Now I don’t get out much ya’ll but that sounded like a pick-up line ! “Just looking for sewing, and quilting things and no I don’t come here often, I’m just stopping in before going to my next job.” Rule number 2 don’t give out information. This just gave him more to “chat” about. Feeling like a cat that has been cornered in a tree I act interested in his tales of house flipping and he even at one point takes out pictures of some kids, ( had them handy in the front pocket of his shirt), I suppose he’s a wealthy man or so he wants me to believe. Being the “nice” person that I am I don’t have the heart to excuse myself from the situation. Maybe he’s just lonely. Maybe his wife died, what ever his reason for slowing down my day, I figure I’m doing my good deed for the day and continue with this conversation. And then out of nowhere it takes a turn for the worse. He says, “So you sew, what do you sew, clothes?” Trying to be as short but acting interested I say “ Um, I have my small business and sew just about anything that people want sewn, I don’t make cloths, but I mended my dads pants a few weeks ago.” Why on earth am I giving him info what is wrong with me, I want to look I don’t have much time. “Well you can pretend I’m your daddy.” He DID NOT just say that! Yes he did and chuckled. Amazingly I chuckled too, and replied that I don’t like to mess with clothing(you dirty old fart). He sensed my uneasiness at this point and quickly changed the subject back to my sewing. “ So quilting, do you collect, make, what kind do you look for?” Again my ego gets the better of me and I tell him of the wonderful quilt I bought out of California and on and on I rambled, someone please help me out of this situation. My good nature is getting me in way to deep. This is a small town why don’t one of my annoying old neighbors pop in like they always do and hold me up, why am I stuck here telling some strange old man of obsessions. Then out of nowhere this depends wearing, hearing aide on high, barely getting by with out a walker, brushes his teeth in a hand man says and I quote “ So do you have a man in you life.” What the !!! Is he serious! Are trying to pick up ladies at the Goodwill? I couldn’t help myself, I busted out laughing, all but rolled on the floor. Never in all my days has a man approached me in the Goodwill. Did I look desperate? Was he that desperate? Did he think oh shes not wearing a ring, shopping at the goodwill, she must be poor and need a man. The laugh was more than his ego could take. “Yes Bill I have a man” I said still laughing. His ego was busted and he politely replied. “Well it was nice talking to you “. Now I’m feeling used and abused. That’s it! I’m done, Oh I see , since you cant get a date I’m not worth talking to! How do you like that! I should chase you around this store and hold you up just like you held me up. Men!
So I’m going about my shopping , can’t find anything in the linens so I wander over to the books. Looking for Steven King or VC Andrews, maybe a craft book. Nothing. As I’m leaving the store I look up and “Plateman” has cornered another cat. Shaking my head and laughing I leave the store. He gave me a good laugh, I suppose I needed it for what was about to happen at my next stop. Which is a story for another day. Rule number 3 don’t make eye contact!