From my grandmother:
"He can just get happy in the same pants he got mad in."
"If it had been a snake, it would have bitten you."
"Well, I never!"
"If you're big enough to eat it, you're big enough to fix it."
Another one we use often and joke about was, when cooking with her, if you asked her how much of something to put in or how long to cook something, her reply was, "Oh, whatever you think." I would say, "Give me a hint...do I use a teaspoon or three cups???"
When my boys were little and fighting in the house, I would tell them to take it outside...I don't want blood on my carpet!
I also like "A little bit of something is better than a whole lot of nothing!" "Even fat rats like cheese."
And..."Nobody cares how much you know until the know how much you care."