I can so relate! My first quilt top, a sampler, languished for over a year before I worked up the courage to quilt it. I started by machine and it was a disaster so I ended up hand quilting it. It turned out great. In between, though, I made a bunch of wall hangings as they are soooo much easier to manage in a DSM (Domestic Sewing Machine) than a bed sized top. I did a lot of stitch right next to the ditch as I found that easier and looked nice than SID when I ended up coming out of the ditch more than staying in. Then I progressed to crosshatching on the machine. Anything I wanted fancy quilting on (read anything other than a straight line!) I hand quilted. I combined hand and machine quilting on quite a few still sticking to straight lines by machine where I could use walking foot and feed dogs and anything with a curve by hand. They turned out quite nice actually. It took me decades before I braved FMQ and I never really cared for my results. I got OK at it but it always felt so un-natural and jerky to me. I now do all my MQ on my LA and I love it. I still hand quilt too.