:D This is from my quilt guild's current newsletter:
Quiltheimer’s Disease
By Debbie Anderson Searles
With all the uproar in recent months concerning communicable diseases sweeping the country, very little publicity has been given to one disease that’s been around for hundreds of years. You will probably recognize the symptoms, although perhaps you will have your own name of it. My husband calls it “Quiltheimer’s Disease.”
Quiltheimer’s Disease is highly contagious! It is spread by word of mouth, and by the viewing of quilts or quilted projects. Usually it begins innocently enough. Initial infection might be from viewing a quilt show or perhaps inheriting a quilt. Some cases have even been reported to start from innocently walking into a fabric shop that contains a quilting display. Taking a quilting class is almost certain to bring on the disease.
The first signs of this affliction might include the appearance of a few quilted pillows on the sofa and beds. From pillows, it spreads on every bed or in every room of one’s home. It has even been reported to spread to clothing
Other telltale signs of Quiltheimer’s Disease (QD) include small yardages of calicos that quickly grow in gigantic proportions. They soon take over closets and every available storage space. Some husbands have even reported these mysterious calicos taking over whole rooms!
Sure signs of Q.D. include quilting frames of various sizes and shapes popping up in corners of the family room. Pins and threads lightly start settling into the carpet. And if the person inflicted with this disease becomes starry-eyed and incoherent at the words “Quilt Show Coming” you know they are in BIG trouble.
Although Q.D is NOT fatal, it is indeed incurable. The patient with this problem will be known to do silly things – like forget to buy milk and bread, but remember to pick up a package of size 10 needles. Or drive miles through the rain, sleet, and snow to attend quilt shows, workshops and seminars.
No one knows how far this disease progresses. My husband keeps expecting to find that I’ve had patchwork tattooed to my body, or that I have traded our first-born son for a Double Wedding Ring quilt. (Do not worry, dear, my skin will remain unmarked from the disease, and our child is safe – unless, of course the Double Wedding Ring quilt would be in soft peaches and greens!)
All that can be done for someone with Q.D. is to give them lots of tender loving care. An appreciative nod once in a while when viewing their latest project helps. And, of course, giving them a little space and time to occupy themselves with quilting always makes the disease easier to live with.
Quiltheimer’s Disease is incurable. It is passed on to family, friends, and even younger generations. Let’s hope they never find a cure for it!