Thanks all. It is such a sad sad day.
I belong to an online support group. Solos SIBS, for those who have lost a sibling to suicide. I am so comforted by these people- we have experienced something that is difficult to put into words. You think you have your parents, your spouse, your children for a lifetime- but look at the time you spend with your siblings- you are them, they are you. You share so much more than the other relationships you develop over time.
I lost Lenny after 39 short years. He was 4 1/2 years younger than me, my only little brother and my delight. He looked like me and we shared so many common goals. We would have so many deep conversations about life and our careers and children and spouses- you name it, we talked about it. I dug deep into him- touching the sore spots and making him really talk to me. He committed himself in 2000- we saved him then, but often I wondered if there would be a next time. We couldn't save him- he couldn't save himself, the medical field left him down, they said he wasn't a danger to himself or anyone else and they let him go the night before he killed himself.