it seems i am not the only one who finds the journal subjects thought provoking. i write them down and think about them. anger is something i'm not comfortable dealing with. the every day annoyances i can flare about, tell the story a couple times and then drop. but the big ones, my mother and my husband, those i prefer to not touch! those will take a controlled environment, a trusted confidante, and skilled assistance. nothing i can or will do on my own. i don't eat as punishment, literally. when i'm angry my throat closes and i can't swallow, my stomach roils and food looks disgusting. just another eating disorder. we were never allowed to leave food on the plate due to other children in the world starving. so my response is/was to reclaim control by not eating. most of the time, like now, i can deal with it and eat by choice. surely i'm not the only one who has issues? typing these entries makes me look at it in reality, and face it in front of others. and i'm surprised by some of the insight i get. it's not easy or fun to admit to others that i'm a mess but i can feel it helping me understand what i've been doing and recognizing why or what it is. so thanks for allowing me to do this.