Subject: Grandparents
1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the
watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many
times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave,
the little one said, "But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper
good-bye!" I will probably never put lipstick on again without
thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye....
2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy
Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 62.. My
grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did
you start at 1?"
3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother
changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded
to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and
more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she
threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room,
putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the
room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice,
"Who was THAT?"
4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her
own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond.
I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front
yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the
woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last
she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked,
"Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?"
I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we alike?''
"You're both old," he replied.
6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's
word processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's
it about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."
7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors
yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and
ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct.
It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the
door, saying, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out
some of these colors yourself!"
8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin,
we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attract-
ing pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing
them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now
the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."
9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly
replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa,"
he advised "Mine says I'm 4 to 6."
10. A second grader came home from school and said to her
grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make
babies today." The grandmother, more than a little surprised,
tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting." she said. "How do
you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl.. "You just
change 'y' to 'I' and add 'es'."
11. Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public
servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman
came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad
aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?"
she asked.. "Sure", said the young boy confidently. 'It means
carrying a child."
12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their
home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the
front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children
started discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep
crowds back," said one child. "No," said another. "He's just for
good luck."
A third child brought the argument to a close."They use the
dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."
13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh,"
he said, "she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we
just go get her. Then, when we're done having her visit, we t
ake her back to the airport."
14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me
good things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart
as him!
15. My Grandparents are funny. When they bend over, you
hear gas leaks and they blame their dog.
SEND THIS TO OTHER GRANDPARENTS, ALMOST GRANDPARENTS, OR HECK,
SEND IT TO EVERYONE.
IT WILL MAKE THEIR DAY!