Well…I just got an email from Andrea, my daughter’s wife, she told me that my daughter does not want to see me after all. She said she was sorry for any trouble this has caused me. I do not know if it caused trouble at all. I don’t think it did. I do know that I feel sad and the same sense of loss that I felt when they decided years ago that I was not their mother anymore. That was so heartbreaking.
I am angry with myself for saying anything to anyone about me getting to see her because it feels like I jinxed this whole thing. Damn it.
I have been portrayed by my ex-wife as a monster. One who abandoned my children. I left them with my ex-wife because that is what they wanted. I did not abandon them. At least, that is how I am remembering it. Maybe I did. Maybe I was and am a monster. Maybe there is no reason on earth that I should ever have a relationship with them. Maybe I have no value to them.
I was told not too long ago that I have not made one single notable contribution since I have been alive. Nice, huh? Maybe that person is right. I just have no idea anymore. UGH.
Sorry if this is coming across as a pity party. It is only my intention to pour out my heart.
*deep sigh*
The love of a mother never ends, even if her children don’t love her back.
In deep sadness,
Missy