Oh Angie, I can not heal your hurt, but I can send you my support of prayers and hugs. I understand how this grief can take hold at the most surprising times. I lost both of my parents within five years. My mother's passing almost killed me. But, now when I think of her, I smile that god allowed such a special person to be a part of my life.
The healing takes time. There are going to be good and bad days. There will be anger, grief and love all mixed together. Very confusing. But, you will always have her memory to comfort you. I know that sounds odd, but it really is the truth. How I finally began healing was one day I realized that she would not want my life to be so sad. And that I could be comforted by my family too. I was like you, the strong one for everyone else.
I hope I have given you hope and that you will allow your friends and family to love you back to life. God bless you dear quilt friend.