Yesterday was a bad eating day. I fell back to my old ways of stuffing the fealings down because I don't want to deal with.
My mom had an allergic reaction to something, her tongue and throat started to swell up-she's had it before so when it looked like the bendadryl wasn't working Dad took her to the hospital and they kept her overnight and gave her the shots and everything. She's fine now. But it brougt out all the feelings I've been repressing.
I live 1/2 a continentent away from my family for a very good reason. My father is old school, we never would know what would set him of. He'd yell at you in the screaming angry face way that you know he's either going haul off and hit you or he's going to have a stroke.
But it's only to his family. Outsiders can do anything or say anything to him and he takes it and acts like it doesn't matter.
He has to be the center of attention, he gets extremely angry if not.
He talks down to my mom, wants to keep her in her place with him, 40 minutes from town out in the middle of no-where. He won't let her go anywhere because he's allergic to every climate but where they live. And she's too old to galavanting around without him. She's stopped driving because he would back seet drive all time. She used to be so vibrant and active, with friends to do things with. Now she's 83 yrs old and just sitting in that house waiting to die.
Honesty, I thank God just about every day that my sister is 14 years older then me. She's the one who raised me and proctected me from my father and told me that this is not right, don't marry anyone like our father.
So today, I guess I should just accept the fact they did the best the could with the knowledge and skill set they had. and I just need to get over it.
I'm working on naming the emotion that I'm eating to stuff down. I think it's anger. I'm very angry that she's allowed him to treat her this way and with him for treating everyone this way.