jeanne--yes, i am so excited and impatient for the 19th to get here!! olivia, here i come!! and jeanne, you're in my prayers where ever i go!
oldcottontop-- sounds like you've got a plan and it's working! keep it going strong!
charity-- it could be fear. anger certainly, and a strong resentment for being made to feel helpless and weak, and also anger at your mom for caving in and not protecting you. and the same for your father who's role it is to protect you, not attack, belittle and terrorize you. and that's just the start of what you could be feeling. no wonder it's difficult to deal with, and simpler just to eat all that anxiety away. but you are stronger than that, and smarter. your father taught you that he is not strong enough to hold you down, and you do not need to build a physical barrier of fat around you to keep him away. you are an adult now and you can choose not to let him control your feelings any more. you can't control what others do, but you can control your reaction to it. seize that control and use it to choose healthful respectful foods to nourish yourself and construct the kind of body you want to have. you can do it!
i am losing weight. i am in control. it is up to me.