My husband and I joke that I should make the following into a sign for the front door as well as a T-shirt: "I am perimenopausal, legally blind and have a 12 gauge. Any questions?"
Tastefully, of course. Maybe wood burned calligraphy and decorated with silk flowers. And a grapevine wreath. Wouldn't want anyone thinking that we're hicks or anything just because we live way out in the country.
WWMSD? (What would Martha Stewart do?)