YOU MIGHT BE IN A COUNTRY CHURCH IF . . .
1. The doors are never locked.
2. The Call To Worship is "Y'all come on in!"
3. People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the ark.
4. The Preacher says "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering" - and 5 guys stand up.
5. The restroom is outside.
6. Opening day of deer hunting season is recognized as an official church holiday.
7. A member requests to be buried in his 4-wheel drive truck because "I ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get me out of".
8. In the annual stewardship drive there is at least one pledge of "2 calves".
9. Never in its entire 100-year history has one of its pastors had to buy any meat or vegetables.
10. When it rains, everybody's smiling.
11. Finding and returning lost sheep is not just a parable.
12. The only time people lock their cars in the parking lot is during the summer and then only so their neighbors can't leave them a bag of squash.
13. High notes on the organ set dogs in the parking lot to howling.
14. People ask, when they hear the parable of the loaves and the fishes, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.
15. The final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now, ya hear?"