There are several hand quilters on this board, post your second question under quilting and you will get more answers. Maybe someone can explain it better than I am. The key is to get your stitches even, size doesn't matter when you first start hand quilting. 'the small stitches will come in time. I like to use a 10 or 12 needle now, but started out with size 8 years ago! Maybe you are just being too hard on your self! Relax and breath!!!