I think it was good to point out the equal toys idea but....
Abuse is abuse no matter who it comes from, male or female, and a fry pan could hurt as much if not more than a fist. I hope anyone in an abusive relationship can get out of it safely.
Are you sure your friend's husband wasn't just testing you? My husband used to do that all the time to new people. He would say crap he didn't really believe just to see how they would react and within 5 minutes could tell what kind of person they were( honestly his gift was very scary as he was usually correct). Some of my husbands best friends were the ones who "told him off". Sounds like your friend's husband found out you let people know where you stand and have good reasoning as you pointed out the toys.
As for a spouse "letting" the other spouse get something is not necessarily a control thing. As some have pointed out here many couples talk about purchases and make joint decisions. Remember just as he LETS her get her sewing item she might be LETTING him go play his golf. When the one LETS the other get something, to me, it just means that their significant other is thinking of their partner's needs or wants possibly above their own.
I guess there's usually more than one way of looking at things.