Originally Posted by kaykwilts
Originally Posted by Happy Tails
Sure gives special meaning to - you can pick your friends, but not your relatives...
I have to disagree with this statement. Destructive people are just that...destructive. And no one, regardless of how these people may be "related" to you, has to put up with some one in their life being so destructive just because they are part of the "family tree". You may think I am cold and rude too, but I had a sister that was so negative and so destructive to my marriage, that I cut off all ties to her, and we never speak anymore except through attorneys. That may seem extreme, but it was so bad, I was left with NO recourse to protect myself except legal ones. So you can pick your relatives...at least in my mind you can....you don't have to be a part of anyone's life who only seeks to ruin yours...."family" or no....imho.
I agree with Kay! We are brainwashed into believing that it is our religious moral responsibility to be understanding and accepting of poor behavior from others, especially if it comes from somebody related to us or someone who has it as a behavior pattern in their life. This complacency on our part, or making excuses for them, is what is called "enabling." So, you are not doing this difficult person any favors! They need to learn boundaries.
Obviously there are many people who have problems with understanding where their boundaries end and another's begins. And to keep yourself both emotionally and physically safe you must stop them. Because sure as sugar, they are not going to stop themselves! If they would, we would have no rape, murder, or war! They did not start out as rapists, murderers, or warlords on day one. They were able to get away with things all along because others made excuses!
I am not comparing the cousin to a rapist, murderer, or warlord. But left unchecked by others allowing her to get away with poor behavior, is only setting her up for bigger problems in life. If you want to be kind to her, you need to let her know her behavior is not acceptable!