Nanci, Xylie spoke words of wisdom for us all. I suffered a really poor mother/family relationship too. As you did I finally came to the realization that I was healther without her in my life. I would get sick to my stomach when I talked to her much less saw her. I don't need to get into details but she also was mean natured. We learn from bad examples as well as good examples & change where we can. Please, please let go of your guilt!!! I will if you will, lol!!!! Just knowing that you are not alone...somehow helps!