My sons get recommendations from me every few years when i see something i know their dad (my ex) would like. I do it for them, not for him...I do it to try to teach them to think about what the other person would like...if they listen and choose to follow my suggestions, fine, if they don't, that's okay, too. It doesn't happen often, just when I see a new tool or accessory or some little thing that I think they may not have seen...as the years have gone on, they usually have already noticed so it doesn't come up very often now...
the fact that your daughter has given this kind of thought to a wedding gift is due to the thoughtfulness and hard work you have demonstrated when faced with these situations. Find a pattern that is simple enough to be fast and that she can do most of it, and let the color be everything... send it out to be stippled in the biggest one possible...offer to pay for batting and backing if she covers the cost of the quilting....she needs to know what kind of cost is involved and to feel like the gift is really from her. When I mention cost, of course I am assuming that she is a teen, at least... if she is younger than that, then help her make a wallhanging...
okay, now if all of this doesn't sound like you can live with it, put her picture (or a pic of her and her dad) right in the middle of it and let the new stepmother live with that over the couch or on the wall.....she won't dare hide it...first in time, first in line...