I had trouble at first also,but now I think it is better.I know what you feel.I lost my Hubby 6 years ago,before that we went through over 2 years of tests.different treatments and finally he said enough I am tired,it was hard to accept.He was my first and only love.My soul-mate.I think my quilting has let me go through this.Holidays are bad especially Christmas.He loved Christmas.A friend lost her hubby 3 months before mine and in Nov.she told me she wished we had a time machine to just fast forward to Jan.1st.