So sorry for your loss. My mom took sick on the 17th and passed away on the 20th. I understand how you are feeling. My family had a very quiet Christmas. My father went with my siblings to where they live for Christmas to get away for awhile. My parents were together for 67 years, raised 5 children, and had 9 grandchildren. For my two sisters and I who live in Montreal, it was our first Christmas without our parents. I love Christmas. Not because of presents, but because I usually see my whole family and we get to spend time together. I love Christmas lights, and carols....I feel no pressure at Christmas from anyone. I think I must be very lucky. Losing my mom at Christmas will not make me hate Christmas either, just give me something else to be thankful for.