When Pat gets surprised he'll say something like "well smear my cheeks with honey and tie me to an ant hill" or "butter my buns and call me biscuit.
One of my friends read somewhere that nails and hair grow even after a person dies. She asked her husband: "Will I still be a blonde?" His answer: "You aren't one now!" (She colors her hair) lol
Same girl got really confused why the side of the freeway in Southern California had all that netting along the road. The area is known for bad fog so she asked if that netting was there to hold back the fog. ROFL.
My mother's aunt told her that she had gotten the uncle a genital watch for his birthday. Ever since then, any digital piece of equipment is called a genital whatever it is.