I am sorry that this has been a difficult issue for you. I think you both get a wash and agree with Pauline, there is responsibility to go around.
DH and I have been having deep conversations about many things lately. In the big picture of the world there are so many more things to be upset about than the small perceived slights that we see and feel. Try to remember the reason that you are sending the quilts in the first place, to do something helpful for someone in need.