There is a larger issue here and one which probably can't be solved with getting the opinions of other quilters. There is an emotional issue going on. Is he wanting it hand quilted or for YOU to hand quilt it. It appears he definitely wants it hand quilted because emotionally he believes that is the ony authentic way to do it.
The suggestion to find someone else to hand quilt it is a good one if he would agree to that. On the other hand he built a frame for you.....am glad I am not in this position. I'm not sure what I would do.