Izy, You are a remarkable woman. You will look back with fond memories that you were able to care for him at home. I am a bereavement counsellor and you are doing some of the things I always tell my clients. Sit back, perhaps reclaim an old hobby and take your time. Time does not "heal all things" as some people say, it is what you do with your time that makes the difference. Prayers and good thoughts to you.