I am sorry so many of you have had such issues.
Maybe one of the reasons I DON'T have a lot of problems is I don't wash anything but greasy work clothes and my sons' running clothes in hot water. That is way too expensive.
I prewash batiks and flannels, both in cold water. I press everything else before I use it including my batting. All of this "preshrinks" most things. Works for me and that is what I am sticking with.