>
> > HOW FIGHTS START
> >
> > My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was flipping channels.
> > She asked, 'What's on TV?'
> > I said, 'Dust.'
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ******************************************
> > My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we
> > were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have s?"
> > "No," she answered.
> > I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
> > She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
> > So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
> > And then the fight started....
> >
> > ******************************************
> > Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and
> > slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van,
> > and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was
> > blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the
> > radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
> > I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into
> > bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different
> > anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
> > My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid
> > husband is out fishing in that?"
> > And that's how the fight started...
> >
>
> >
> > *****************************************
> > My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
> > She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
> > seconds.'
> > I bought her a bathroom scale.
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ******************************************
> > When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some
> > place expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.
> > And then the fight started....
> >
> > ******************************************
> > After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for
> > Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my
> > driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and
> > realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was
> > very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
> > The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt
> > revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your
> > chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security
> > application.
> > When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
> > Social Security office.
> > She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
> > disability, too.'
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ******************************************
> > My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I
> > kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone
> > at a nearby table.
> > My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
> > 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
> > drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear
> > she hasn't been sober since.'
> > 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on
> > celebrating that long?'
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ******************************************
> > I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my
> > order first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please."
> > He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
> > Nah, she can order for herself."
> > And then the fight started..
> >
> > ******************************************
> > A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was
> > not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel
> > horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.. I really need you to pay me a
> > compliment.'
> > The husband replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
> > And then the fight started.....
> >