My condolences on the loss of your husband. Having to be a caregiver for all those years can be physically and mentally draining, it's hard starting a new life after all those years. It's not quite the same, but when I lost my 2nd oldest brother died of lung cancer at 52, I could not attend his funeral, but I worked through my grief by quilting a quilt I had recently made and it helped. God Bless and keep you in his loving arms.