I swim in that lake all the time, Margie! LOL
Recently I've been mulling a similar situation. I want to make a quilt for... a much-loved family member. But she may very well say something unkind. That's the way she is. I finally decided I'd better find out if she would like to have a quilt before I made it. I do love her, and I'd love to give her something that says that -- like a pretty quilt. But it won't give her any joy -- or love -- if she doesn't like the pattern, or the color, or the handwork, etc. For all I know she may think all quilts are ugly.
Here's my plot. She'll be over here sooner or later, and I'll have some of my quilting work in plain view. I'll probably talk about how I made this or that. If she says positive things, I'll offer to make her one. If she indicates impatience or distaste, then obviously it wouldn't make her happy, except perhaps for that fleeting moment of joy she gets when she sneers at the color, the pattern, the quilting, the uselessness, or her lack of need for a quilt.
It comes down to this: I like my quilts a lot. I'm happy with them, even though they're not perfect. I want to give her a quilt, but she may not want one. So the nicest thing for both of us is to make sure she actually wants the gift. She will be none the worse off without one, unless you count her missed opportunity to be snarky.
Most of my other friends and relatives would be happy to get a quilt, and besides, their mothers taught them that even if you don't like a gift, you pretend you do to be polite.
I think almost everyone has at least one family member like this!
Christy