I just started long arming for customers to earn a little fabric money...I have to say your post and similar posts impact me two ways. They tell me that there are a lot of people out there doing less than amazing work - and it also scares the heck out of me!! I hope that I'm dong good enough! Right now I am offering my quilting at a pretty deep discount because I'm new to my long arm, and I tell you, I can do pretty darn good heirloom quilting on my domestic but the long arm is just in it's own category. While quilting on a domestic and a long arm are similar in ways, they are totally different skills.
I love it though, and I hope to never disappoint a customer the way I have seen some disappointed on this board.
I certainly would never give you a different batting than you request, that is pretty stinky. You CAN make the rules for your own business, however you need to discuss the rules and boundaries you have set with your customer. After all it was YOUR quilt. You should have the right to decide if you want to continue on with a long armer who doesn't share your thoughts on how your own quilt should be quilted. The thread I can sort of understand, it's not uncommon for many long armers to want to stick to one brand or weight of thread. Tension is a real pain on the long arm, it's much more finicky than on your domestic and I don't think it's unreasonable to stick with one thread that works. I wouldn't want a long armer experimenting with new thread on my quilt, know what I mean? But if you ask for a certain color, she she either give it to you or explain why she thinks something different would be better. Let you decide first if you want to proceed.
So sorry this happened to you, and good luck finding someone new to quilt for you!!
