I think you are a bit hard on yourself. It takes a large dose of "manly" courage to jump off the diving board into the FMQ pool and when you hit, you have to make waves or sink. You have just discovered that it aint easy. To be honest, your first efforts are not all that bad at all. The biggest word in FMQ is practice and after that thought, perhaps two glasses of wine are called for. Keep up the learning spirit.