On my scrappy quilts, I too use a first narrow border to stop and rest the eye. Then either a pieced border or my go-to colour of very dark blue. Dark blue, to my mind, is less aggressive than black, and works well in a lot of situations. I use Hoffman's Tahiti watercolor very frequently as it is dark royal without being too full of black. It allows the quilt itself to be more 'luminous'. Then I bind in the same colour, since I don't want another distraction to the eye, just a quiet finish.