I am now visiting with my son and DIL (but not staying in their home). We only get to see them in the evenings as they both work. Last night we had tea and I left the cup on the table. So I'm now on the bad list? Geeze Louise, I'll have to ask!! Basically, I try not to ever interfere, send the same emails to both, include her always, always, always in everything. At least you live close enough for MIL to visit. We just want the best for our sons. We did raise them, you know and have the same love for them that your mother has for you. And sometimes we feel left out...so her visiting and leaving stuff on the table shouldn't be a big deal. One day you will be wishing for these days back. IMHO