When I go to someone's house I do pick up my dishes just like when I go out to eat I stack my plates in the center of the table to make it easier on the waitress and I always push my chair in (my biggest pet peeve is to have chairs left out). It's not a matter of being raised like this, its just what I do and the way Ive taught my kids, not that they all follow now that they are grown. I don't worry if people leave their cups out. My kids come over with thier kids, some times with fast food and they normally leave it where they sit when they leave. If I have them over for dinner they rarely ever offer to help clean up, non of this stuff is how they were raised. Recently I was at my daughters for dinner and she made a comment at how I always do dishes at her house so she wasn't worried about how many dirty dishes there were. I told her hadn't she noticed that I quit doing dishes at her house because she never did them when I cooked. She laughed and never said a word. I pick my battles, that is the one rule that I've learned with having 5 kids, if you make everything a battle then you'll win none. I can understand your frustration but it isn't worth the stress. I hate when I go to work with a clean house and my kids come over while I'm at work with thier kids and I come home to a mess. Thats life and we can find lots of things to get upset about. It's hard to let go of the little stuff but its not worth the stress. I chose to count the blessings and try to ignore the things that upset me, I don't always succeed but I try.