My family did not go to restaurants when we were kids. Both my parents were from large families. Our entertainment was eating at each others houses and since we were family - all the females cleaned up (I know - not fair!).
When DH and I were still newlyweds, we stayed a few days with a friend of his and his wife. After they left for work, I cleaned up and did a load of towels. I overheard his wife complain to him about me doing the dishes and towels, she could not understand why I had the gall to do that! When I was a teenager I was the favorite babysitter in the family because I would not only feed the kids, but I would make dessert and clean up the kitchen and do any laundry that needed doing. Plus I would spend the night so the parents could sleep in the morning.
I always take my dishes to the sink and in some cases put them in the dishwasher at my MIL's or SIL's houses and they do the same at mine. If at at some one elses house I ask where they want me to put the dishes. I will leave them alone if they tell me to.
I have never read a Miss Manners book - I just do what I feel is right.
On another subject about manners, DH and I always made the boys sit on the toilet and not treat it like a urinal. But I could always tell when someone else was in there because I would have to clean urine spray up - really hate that. I remember one boy who must have played fireman in the bathroom - he never got invited to spend the night again - took me an hour to disinfect that bathroom!