I had a kitten that did not like to be petted, and learned that some cats are ultra sensitive, and petting is actually too stimulating for them. I was patient and gentle with him, and eventually he loved the petting, and became quite a lap cat. Another cat, adopted as an adult, liked to be near but never close, and not to be picked up. It took several years, but she too eventually became very affectionate. Every cat is different, so I try to be patient, appreciate their individual talents and traits, and just love them as they are.