Sounds like there are a lot of people in this boat with you! I, too, want to know what the finished design will be. I love Bonnie Hunter's quilts, but can't just follow a mystery when she does them because I don't have a clue about the end. As for scrappy, I love them, too. But again, I often control it by using specific colors and values. For instance I am in the process of making a Valentine's Day wall hanging with a variety of reds, but am keeping the background squares all the same.
That being said, I did a small charm quilt with 1.5" squares. I had joined a Keepsake Quilts club and received a couple of boxes of squares that were meant as samples of their fabrics. There were over 400 squares and no two were alike. I made a charm panel that ended up being 15 X 25 squares and put a border around it. I will applique some flowers in two of the corners and have a really scrappy wall hanging! That, so far, is the extent of my "out of the bag" scrappy. Maybe someday I'll do something bigger.
As for being "kicked out" of the group, I'm thinking that's God's way of saying He wants you to use your time in ways that are happier for YOU. There are so very, very many block patterns out there from which you can choose to make quilts with fabrics over which you have control. I say go for it and enjoy every moment.
Hope you feel better very soon. I'll keep you in my prayers!