Gale, you're doing exactly what you should do--finding vendors that suit your needs. If it were a school or a doctors office or somewhere else your child HAS to go, I'd be behind you 100%. My friend's kids have fatal nut allergies and I am a fanatic about keeping nuts and nut-contaminated items out of their schools.
But 80/20 is how luxury businesses survive. I have diabetes, but I don't expect restaurants to have free substitutions for the potatoes and rice dishes I can't eat. I either pay for the extra vegetables or go somewhere else. I don't want to die either, and that's my problem, not theirs.