It is a copyright violation to make copies of a book or pattern. It is legal to sell them, or give them away, as long as no copies are made. If you look at loaning as giving away with the expectation that it will be given back, then I suppose that's legal too, certainly with books and probably with patterns as well. I don't mind loaning books to friends, although it's with the expectation (on both our parts) that they will buy the book if they like it, and that they will return it when they're finished looking at it. Loaning a pattern has never come up. It sounds like this woman is just cheap, and it's tacky of her to continually ask others for the use of the things they have purchased. I would just tell her that I have need of the item and can't let it go, and if she asks about making a copy then tell her that it would be a clear violation of the copyright, and you don't care to break the law, nor should she ask you to. That is what the shop owner should have said. I wouldn't worry about hurting her feelings.