Hi Kim,
I saw your post on a certain website that shall not be named so I don't get censored yet again, as well as the Singer Slant Yahoo group. I'm going to respond here, to keep all the responses in the same place.
First, thank you for the very clear pictures! That helps us diagnose a lot!
I think you're right in that the finger that should be in the collar is the "whole" problem. In order to move it, if you can get the needle to the far left, it may give you some extra room to maneuver. This is because the "flapper" will be looser and putting less pressure on what you're trying to move. Don't be afraid to put a little gentle pressure on that flapper to move it to the left as well. No harder than someone who runs the above mentioned website did in that video that you said you watched on YouTube. - Now don't anyone else go watch those videos! That would be a violation....
Additionally, when you do get it loose, check to see if anything is bent. In normal use, and yes - I popped the cover off my 411G to check this - that finger should not be able to move that far out, the linkages shouldn't allow it.