Babylock Crescendo.
11" harp, needle up/down, presser foot up/down, 8 directional sewing, laser light, electronic pen, knee lift, auto pressure sensor, bobbin sensor, separate bobbin winder, 5x7 screen, on-board videos/instructions, thread cutter, auto needle threader.
The only thing it doesn't do is the the dishes, and I'm pretty sure I'll be able to show it how to do that soon. :-)