I have loaned patterns - some were gone for good, others were returned with no problems. For me, I would say that I was planning to make another item and give her the information about the pattern so she could either find it on her own or not. Sometimes I will ask someone where they got the pattern or the name and they act like I am going to make the identical thing. Chances are, I won't even make it, I like to know where other people shop for such interesting items.
Once on the QB I asked a person where she got an embroidery design for a major university, her response was very defensive saying she couldn't send the design to me. I didn't want the one she had I was hoping to find another university and had not been able to locate any so thought she had an avenue that I was not aware.
So don't get super defensive, it can create hard feelings, and you don't want to do that.