when i make a quilt for someone, i don't surprise them. They are in on the process so that they have some ownership and more likely to be as in love w/ it as I am. I also don't get hurt when I tell them "I'd like to do this for your child, will you let me?" And they tell me no.
There is still a surprise because usually the recipient isn't able to visualize the finished product.
My disappointment is a lot less this way.