I read this with my teeth clenched for your birthing experience with your own mother. Grrrrr! DMILs and DMs can be so damn dense sometimes when their grandchildren begin to arrive. As a doula (paid, trained, and certified labor companion) I saw this too often.
One thing I had to learn to say to my father later in life, as my sister was battling ovarian cancer and didn't want to deal with him was, "It's too bad you're upset, this isn't about YOU." Period.
Jan in VA
Originally Posted by
Tothill
A very good friend of mine just had her first child. She is very happy to have the help and support of her mother in law. Her mother lives across the country and will not be coming out for a while yet. My friend wants it that way as her relationship with her mum is not great.
So do not discount a new mum not wanting her mil there.
Me, my mil was great when the kids were older, but not when they were born or for the first 6 months or so. She refused to come to our house to see our son after he was born (5 hours travelling time). Then she had fits because my fil (her ex) came from England with his new wife and step daughters and saw my son before she did. It was about 5 weeks before I felt up to the 5 hours travelling to go to her house.
When my daughter was born two years later, she had come over ahead of time. She was to attend the birth with my mum and exh. Well my daughter was an incredibly fast delivery (exh and I got to the hospital 5 contractions prior to delivery) and by the time exh called the house it was not to tell them to come see the birth, but to tell them they had a granddaughter.
My mil went into a huge pout, and although I was home the next day, she insisted on exh taking her home (5 hour trip each way). I put my foot down and said Daddy was not going anywhere, we could arrange for someone else to take her part way and she could arrange for someone to get her the rest of the way home. I was not going to be left home with a newborn, 2 year old and 12 year old 2 days post delivery and no help.