My issue with my former mil is that I would give her at time to arrive and she would show up hours early and want to be entertained. When I am preparing a big meal I wait until it is mostly done before I have a quick shower to freshen up before guests arrive. My ex was no help as he did not like spending time with his Mum and would hide in his office until the meal was on the table. Worse, she would get my bil to bring her, so I have him moping around too.
I am more than happy to have others help with the clean up. Before I had a dishwasher I rented all the dishes, utensils, table linens, etc. In the beginning it cost $1 per place setting and you only have to rinse the dishes, not wash them. Once we got the dishwasher, I bought a set of 16 dinner plates and would wash them. I also told the men that they were responsible for dish washing and kitchen clean up. Somehow the thought I was kidding. Nope, they had to all get up and clean up.
My brother is fussy about how his dishwasher is filled. If he is home I rinse and stack the dishes for him to load them. If he is not home, I run it through however I loaded it.