I think the quilt is lovely as it is. I don't think the difference in border size is noticeable, unless put side by side, which would not happen when laying on the bed. And the quilting appears to be beautifully done.
That said, I would never allow her to do another quilt for me, especially since she had already altered other quilts to her choice, not yours. You pay her, and she should follow your instructions.
I usually give my LAer free reign, and have never been disappointed. When I have specific instructions, she has followed them exactly, and always confirms with me if she has any questions. Even though I love her work, if she changed anything without clarifying first, I would not be able to trust her again.
You mention that you have located another quilter who may be able to help you. I would take it to her, explain clearly what I wanted, and then go from there. I also would speak to the other person and explain why I felt the need to go to those measures, especially the point that you felt your instructions were not honored, and her choices were not your choices.