They don't want the communique in writting is the feeling I'm getting. It sounds like someone was very naughty and you caught them.
My immediate question is how did the buyer get your contact information. I'd be angry about that right off the bat. I don't want anyone handing out my info. That's for me to do and me only.
I don't blame you for not wanting to give them your phone number. Who knows who they would give that to.
I would definitely tell the director that my quilts are for the children in the hospital only and not to be sold.
Most donated items at my church have a permanent tag on them that say "Not for Resale". Maybe you could do something like that?
I'm so sorry you had this experience.